Responsibilities
by be my escape1
Summary: What is it like for Jacob to know Bella wants to become one of them? “She would already be dead, Jacob. She wouldn’t be the Bella you love. She would be a leech, a soulstealer.” It wasn’t going to end like this. I ran faster, trying to out run my fate an
1. Realizations

**This story takes place directly after New Moon. This is the story of how Jacob Black reacted to Bella wanting to become a Vamipre.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and New Moon. No copyright infingrment it intended.**

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I watched as Edward stepped between us, shielding Bella from me, her protector for the last six months. The pack and I were the ones left to clean up the mess that _they_ had left behind. Edward had left her broken and alone to face an incredible danger, a danger Bella would never have known if it weren't for him. She was dragged into a world of darkness. All of this was their fault. Bella was human; she should be worrying about normal teenage things, not crazy vampires seeking revenge. How could she just go back? He had done so many unspeakable things to her. He broke her in a way I never could. I loved Bella; the realization of that was more apparent to me now after seeing her with him. I watched as they walked to house to deal with Charlie and the mess I had left. I knew it was childish, but I had try something. My body started to tremor and I couldn't control the anger anymore. I transformed. It was the first time, since the beginning, I couldn't control the transformation. I made for Sam's house. My brothers wouldn't understand about Bella but Sam might. I had to talk to someone. I managed to transform again just before getting to the house. I took a moment to compose myself and walked through the door.

"Jacob, what happened? Did you talk to the leech?" Paul asked, always ready for a fight.

"Yes, he understands the treaty." I spoke more softly then I had intended, still somewhat shocked about what Bella had said.

Embry looked at me curiously; he knew me well enough to know I wasn't holding up well. "Jake, what's wrong? You look… pale."

"I'm fine, but I need to talk to Sam, alone." My brothers looked at me skeptically. I knew the request must sound ridiculous, they would know soon enough, but after seeing how easily the leech could read my mind, I needed this. It was one thing for my brothers to hear my thoughts, they were family, but to have the leech answer my thoughts was such an invasion of privacy. He knew everything I was thinking, everything including how I felt about Bella. He knew my biggest weakness and I couldn't figure him out at all. It bothered me that he could hear my thoughts almost has much as when he touched Bella. As soon as my brothers left I crumpled into the closest chair, no longer able to contain my agony. Sam looked at me knowingly.

"What is it Jacob? Is something wrong with Bella?" Bella, the only girl I have ever loved. She loved my sworn enemy, and if that wasn't enough she wanted to be one of them.

"Bella, she…" the words were so hard to say. How could she want that? He must have done something to make her believe being one of them was what she wanted, not him. I would rip him to pieces if he harmed her; hell I might rip him to pieces anyway. "She wants to be one of them. She had already chosen. I didn't see that coming. How can she want to be a leech, one of the eternally damned?" My voice choked at the thought of the last words.

"Jacob, have they harmed Bella?"

"No, I went to speak with Edward, to warn him about biting anyone. He wasn't even fazed by that part of the treaty. He wasn't angry at all, actually." I contemplated that for a moment. Edward was not concerned with biting Bella. He didn't react the way I had suspected he would. He must have a plan to work around the treaty. If he took Bella from Forks I would follow. He won't have her so easily.

"What do you mean he wasn't angry?" Sam asked skeptically.

"Well, first he thanked me for protecting Bella in his _absence_. And when I mentioned the specifics of the treaty he didn't seem upset by it. He seemed almost relieved."

"Maybe it isn't what he wants, Jacob."

"Isn't what he wants, are you kidding? _She_ is exactly what he wants. He must have a plan to work around the treaty, sneaky bloodsucker." I said through gritted teeth. "Besides, it was Bella's reaction that was the most shocking. She…she was already planning on becoming one of them. She was furious with me."

"What are you talking about Jacob? Bella _wants_ to be one of them?" Sam questioned me, shocked at the thought of Bella willing wanting to be one of them. His body visibly tensed.

My voice was barely a whisper. "Yes," Admitting this to Sam, the leader of the pack, would have serious repercussions. This information would require action. With the threat of the bloodsuckers biting someone came the threat of war. War placed my brothers and me in danger. The reality was that they wouldn't just bite anyone, they would bite Bella. She would be the reason for the war. She knew the consequences now; she wouldn't do that to us.

"Jacob, you cannot dwell on this. If she becomes one of them it will create a war. She will be our enemy." Sam only spoke the truth, but it was too much. Bella would _never_ be my enemy.

My fists clenched in anger as my shoulders slumped in defeat. Everything about me was in conflict. "NO! This can't happen Sam, there has to be something we can do. I can't lose her."

"She may already be lost. She took him back, and as much as we all love Bella, we can't protect her anymore. She is their responsibility now." Sadness clouded Sam's voice. His muscles bulged in his arms as he spoke. He didn't want to lose Bella after everything we had been through. Emily liked having a fellow wolf girl.

"There has to be away. It's not over." I spoke through clenched teeth. I wasn't willing to give up on this.

"Jacob, there are some things we need to talk about; some things I don't think you understand. There are responsibilities that you are unaware of. I need you to keep on open mind about what I am going to tell you. First of all, Bella is now the responsibility of the Cullen's, we can no longer protect anything or anyone outside of La Push. Secondly, your main responsibility is to this tribe and your brothers. You need to understand and accept that."

"Like what Sam? Bella loves a vampire; she wants to be one of them. I understand that if they change her action will have to be taken. I know what the consequences are if they change her." I was shaking uncontrollably again. The thought of Bella being cold and stone like enraged me almost as much as the thought of him being back in her life, in my place. He didn't deserve her. She made my life, my duty, so much more bearable. My being a werewolf meant something when I had Bella in my life, when it was for her. In my mind I was created to protect only her. I wasn't complete without her.

"Jacob I know this is hard to for you. You are still young and with everything you have been through over the last month I am amazed at your composure," Sam chose his next words carefully, "There is a reason that at sixteen you have been the most composed thru the change. You are the biggest and strongest of all of us. You have even managed to be in the presence of a vampire and not transformed, even in a stressful situation like today. Not a single one of us could do that, including me. Jacob, you were meant to lead." I thought about what Sam was saying. I had managed to control my strength better than the others. I was the last to change and already I was bigger than everyone else. I knew that I had been stronger, but no one else ever mentioned it before. I could also control my transformation better than anyone including Sam. It was nice to be acknowledged by the pack leader. I respected Sam's opinion when it came to the pack.

"Lead, lead what?" He couldn't mean that I was meant to be the leader of the pack. Sam was the leader, the oldest, I was just one of the pack.

"It is in your blood more than the rest of us. Your heritage is pure, you are a direct descendant of the original Quilette werewolves, on both sides of your family tree. Your great-grandfather made the original treaty, as far back as there were cold ones, there were Blacks leading the pack." I sat there trying to understand what Sam was saying. I couldn't be the leader. I just couldn't be.

"Sam it can't be me you transformed first. You are the leader. You went through everything on your own. You taught each one of us. _You_ were meant to lead."

"I was the oldest when the Cullen's arrived, but it doesn't mean I am the leader. The sooner you accept this the sooner you can move past this Bella thing. It is a complication we can not afford," he let out a heavy sigh. This wasn't easy for him either. Everyone had grown fond of Bella. "Jacob your responsibilities are to _this_ family, the pack. As the current leader of the pack it is my job to know who the rightful leader is. My time as leader will be up soon and I will pass on that responsibility to the new alpha wolf. It is you, Jacob. We are a family and I am here to guide you, but you are here to lead.

"I don't see what one has to do with the other. Bella has nothing to do with the pack, Sam." The anger in my voice was hard to hide; my body still trembled from the rage.

"She has _everything_ to do with the treaty, Jacob, and therefore the pack." Sam's tone was sharper than before. "The Cullen's have been here long enough. I don't think they have any intention of biting anyone, but Bella has an effect on people. Just look what she has done for you. It should have taken you months to control transformation, to be able to change back and forth so easily. You learned quicker and became stronger because you felt you had to protect Bella. What if the Cullen's feel they have to change her to protect her?" Sam's body tensed as he spoke, the frustration written on his face.

She couldn't be changed. "How will that protect Bella?" I shouted.

"Jacob, think about it. Bella is a danger magnet. She managed to find every kind of mythical creature that exists in Forks. If she were one of _them, _it would be safer for herVictoria wouldn't be able to harm her." Sam paced the floor as he spoke the words.

"It won't get that far. I won't let it. I will take out every last leech before they take her soul." My voice rose to new decibels and my breath came in shorter, hard spurts. I clenched and unclenched my fists trying to stay in control.

"How will that help Bella? Killing her "boy" friend's family will not put you back in her good graces. She isn't going to thank you for killing them." Sam laughed bitterly. "It will destroy her. This time, you would be the one to destroy her instead of him. Besides, you said yourself, it's what she has chosen."

Sam was right; Bella would never forgive me. She had picked her future, and it didn't include me, at least for now. "I have to talk to her, alone without him listening in on my thoughts; I can make her see."

"You have to be ready to make the hard decisions. You need to prepare, for one day you may have to…" Sam's face twisted in agony, reflecting the expression on mine.

"No!" I jumped to my feet, enraged. I paced the floor trying to control the tremors and the anger that coursed through my body, "I will accept my responsibility, whatever it is, but I will _not_ discuss killing Bella."

Sam's face showed the depth of his pain. "She would already be dead, Jacob. She wouldn't be the Bella you love. She would be a leech, a soul-stealer. "

My head started to spin. I couldn't handle this all in one day. I quickly left the house as I started to transform. My body started to rupture as the tremors coursed through every inch of my flesh. The heat increased, and in an instant I was no longer a man but a wolf. For the second time today I had given over to transforming without being in control. I needed to run to clear my head from all the thoughts of Bella. I headed toward the beach. I ran faster, to set myself free of all the things that haunted my thoughts. Bella had shocked me in more than one way today. I tried to find some good in all of this but there was nothing. She had feelings for me; I could sense them; it was real what little we had. I just had to make her see, I would do it right this time. I continued to run along the beach hoping to find a bloodsucker to rip to shreds. I thought about how I had protected Bella from the leeches and now she was with them. I ran faster. I remembered all the precious time I had spent with her and let out a low howl. It pained me to think about not spending time with Bella. I had only just seen her and I already missed her. I missed the playfulness of our relationship; something I hoped was not lost forever. It wasn't going to end like this. I ran faster, trying to out run my fate and find my destiny.


	2. The Pack

**This is the conversation that I see taking place between the pack and Jacob. There will be atleast one more chapter, a conversation between Jacob and Bella. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all recognizable charaters, setting, and plot. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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My lungs burned as I ran. I had been running or sleeping since my talk with Sam. I wasn't just running from my responsibilities. I was also running from the truth. I needed to clear my head. I'd avoided the rest of the pack because I didn't want to talk about Bella and the decisions she might make. I didn't want to talk about being the leader either; like I had a choice in the matter. I followed the trail along the beach and remembered the last time I was here with Bella. She had jumped off a cliff, ready to die, because of _him, _however unintentional it might have beenAnd now she was ready to die for him again. I slowed to a walk and phased back into my human form.

I stood at the rocks where Bella had told me she knew what I was. The memory of that day still felt so vivid to me. Bella accused me of being a murderer; she was so furious, but not angry that I was werewolf. I remember hugging her tightly to my chest, and how wonderful that felt. I also knew, for the first time, that my being a wolf had a purpose. I missed having Bella in my life. There had to be a way for me to talk to her without him. She owed me that much. I felt sure the Cullens were watching her all day, and I was even more certain Edward didn't leave her at night. Charlie, of course, didn't know, but I did. Edward had some sort of spell over Bella, and I needed to try and break it.

I paced the beach. There had to be a time for me to talk to Bella alone. I could go to her house, but if one of the Cullens were there it could end up in a fight. My brothers wouldn't be happy about me going either. I thought of all the different scenarios, none of them ended happily. I searched for a way to see Bella alone and then it occurred to me. It was so obvious I almost over looked it. I had to get Bella to La Push. The Cullens, even Edward, wouldn't be daring enough to step foot on our land. I headed back to my house, with some hope of seeing Bella soon, to get Dad's help with the situation.

I walked through the kitchen door and took a few steps into the living room to find Sam sitting dad. With both Sam and Dad in the living room there wasn't much room for me. I paused, knowing the two had been discussing me because their voices stopped the second I entered the room. I walked over and leaned on the counter that split the small room in two.

"Hello, Jacob," Sam greeted me with a warm smile.

"Sam," I replied in a flat tone. I refused to look at him. Instead, I turned to my father, willing him to understand. "Dad, I need you to do something for me, and I don't want to argue about it."

Dad looked at me skeptically. "Why do I have feeling this has to do with Bella?"

"It does, and I need this. Please understand I just need to talk with her alone. I have to try, and I can't go to see her. He will be there; he's always there." The anger and the jealousy were creeping into my voice.

Sam spoke next. "Do you think this is truly a good idea? Bella may not want to talk to you; you have to accept that."

"I do understand that. But I have to try. Dad," I looked at my father pleading with him to do as I asked, "Please call Charlie and invite him and Bella down for dinner or something. But make sure he brings her." I sounded like a small child begging for a toy. Sam and Dad exchanged looks of concern; finally Sam finally nodded his approval. A feeling of relief washed through me. I would have my chance with Bella; now I just had to find a way to explain myself to her.

Billy made the phone call to Charlie, and he agreed to come down. He said he would bring Bella, along with a comment about not letting her alone with _that_ boy. I smiled inwardly to think that Charlie didn't really care for Edward. They were coming tomorrow night for dinner. It gave me plenty of time to think about how to approach this situation.

Sam interrupted my thoughts, rising up from the couch making the living seem even smaller. He had a stern look on his face as he spoke, "We need to finish our conversation from the other day, and we need to meet with the rest of the pack. They deserve to hear what's going on from you."

"There is nothing left to discuss. I understand what you told me, but I am not willing to be the leader. Not yet. There are things I have to resolve first." I kept my voice even but the frustration was building. I inhaled deeply through my nose, trying to ease the tense feeling in my muscles.

"Well, we should meet with the rest of the guys. They're waiting for us at my house. You need to tell them about Bella, and you need to listen to their opinions on the matter. I know you already heard some of them, but it is important to do this face to face. You have been avoiding them, and they know it." Sam's face showed a look of displeasure at my recently immature behavior. He stood to his full height making him only just a little bigger than me. Still, it was enough to put me in my place. After all Sam _was_ the alpha.

Why did Sam always have to be right? It just proved my reasoning for him to remain the leader. I had been avoiding my brothers. The thoughts I heard while in wolf form didn't bode well for the conversation Sam wanted us to have. "Fine. Let's get this over with." I grumbled as I headed for the door.

By the time we reached Sam's house I had resigned myself to the verbal lashing I was about to face. We walked in the house to find my brothers sitting around the table eating and talking. For the second time today I had managed to silence a room just by walking in to it. They stared at me, waiting for me to explain myself. Jared and Embry looked at me with inquisitive, sad eyes, waiting to hear my side of the story. Paul looked extremely agitated already. As soon as he saw me the muscles in his arms tensed and he clenched his fists. I wanted to avoid this at all cost. The disappointment I saw in their faces hurt me. I knew I had put them in danger. I had asked my brothers to protect Bella, and she had betrayed us, betrayed _me_.

"Hi guys." I said glumly. This wasn't going to be fun for anyone.

"Jacob," Paul said sourly. He was the least happy about the situation. He didn't understand what it was about Bella that was so special.

"I know you guys have some things to say to me, and I have some things I need to tell you." My voice shook a bit when I spoke.

"Hmph, whatever you say." Paul mumbled under his breath.

"Why don't we each take turns voicing our concerns and Jacob can respond." Sam said authoritatively, keeping everyone's attitude in check at least for the time being.

Paul was the first to jump in, again, shoving away from the table and raising his voice. "This is all your fault, Jacob! You couldn't live without telling Bella." Paul was enraged. He stood and started to pace the room. "I don't understand what there is to talk about. We accepted Bella when she came to us for help. But she has chosen the vampires. She is now our enemy."

I could feel the anger rising in me as my body tensed. I hated anyone speaking badly about Bella. "She is not our enemy! I am going to talk to her without him around. I will be able to convince her that she doesn't want this." I pleaded my case to the others. I threw my hands up in frustration. "He has some kind of power over her."

"We all care for Bella," Embry spoke softly. He could sense my anger, "But from everything we know she wants to be a vampire. She told you that herself. We have to be ready to accept this. It affects all of us now." Sadness clouded Embry's face, his eyebrows knit together and the corners of his mouth turned down. He knew how much this hurt me.

"I wish I could make you understand, but I don't even understand." I slumped into the closest chair, defeated. I couldn't make them see what I felt for Bella. Not even in wolf form. Paul still had the muscles tensed in his body. Embry and Jared stared at me, reflecting the pain that showed on my face.

"Jacob, there is something else we need to talk about, something more important than Bella," Sam said cautiously. There was sternness in his tone, a warning to each of us to keep in check. Jared and Embry shifted uncomfortably in their chairs. Paul stopped pacing and stared incredulously at Sam and I. He narrowed his eyes at Sam. Paul wasn't sure what was going on. He of course knew that there had been conversations about me being the leader, but he wasn't ready to actually discuss the topic.

"Fine. You talk because I don't have anything to say on this matter." I clenched and unclenched my hands trying to relax. I didn't want any part of this conversation.

"We need to talk about Jacob's role in the pack. One day, fairly soon, he will be the alpha," Paul started to grumble under his breath. The tension in the room was almost visible. Embry sat forward in his chair, clasping his hands together tightly. Jared's jaw clenched at Sam's words. No one liked this idea, especially me.

"Why does he get to be leader?" Paul asked through clenched teeth. He was starting to lose control.

"He is the only one of us with werewolf heritage on both sides. And he's the most advanced one of us. He's grown twice as fast as the rest of us and he has almost surpassed me in every way. Tell me Paul, could you have faced Edward and not phased? Even when provoked to anger?" Paul's body started to tremble; the answer was obvious, he couldn't even handle himself around us.

"This is just crazy. How could self-righteous Jacob lead us?" Paul jumped to his feet. He started to phase inside Sam's house. None of us had done that in a long time. Jared and Sam responded quickly, pulling Paul outside in one fluid movement. Within seconds Embry and I heard howling and snarling.

"Hey, don't worry about him. He'll get used to this over time; it's just bit new for all of us. As far as Bella goes, we all grew fond of her, but right now we have to watch out for each other. Believe it or not, we are in danger and part of Paul's anger has to do with that. We are not indestructible, even though we like to think we are. There is a whole family of vampires living in town, and picking a fight with them could be deadly. You could die, or one of us could. Is she really worth it?" Embry looked at me with a mixture of sympathy and anger. He knew this was tearing me up, but he also knew I wouldn't give up on Bella. But he wanted me to at least think about it instead of acting on impulse.

I rested my head in my hands trying to avoid his gaze. I was hurting all of them with my selfishness, and part of me didn't care. "I am going to see her tomorrow Embry, just give me 'til then to work this out. I need to know she is making this decision for herself." I let out a frustrated sigh.

Embry gave me a pat on my shoulder as he walked out the door. "Be careful Jake, people aren't always who we think they are. She's with the bloodsuckers now; she's different."

I pushed my hands through my hair and took a deep soothing breath. It didn't help. There was too much going on with Bella and the pack. I am certain no normal sixteen year old would have to deal with this. Girl problems, yes; everything else I was going through, not a chance. The anger inside me started growing again. My body began to tremble slightly and the muscles in my forearms strained from my clenching fists. I walked outside and saw no sign of the others. I headed to the woods and transformed willingly. I could hear the thoughts of the others and ran in the opposite direction. I needed the freedom of running. The way the damp earth felt beneath my paws soothed me. I could hear the others' angry thoughts and ran faster to escape them. One day I would be able to outrun all my problems. I was getting better at running away everyday.


	3. Confusion

**OK I wasn't really sure were this was going when I started writing it but I think it came out pretty interesting. Hope you like it. I think there will also be a conversation between Edward and Jacob. As always please review.**

**A big thank you to sillybella who helps me remember the commas do exist.**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, plot, and setting belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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Bella would be here soon. I wasn't completely ready to see her. Part of me wanted everything to be as it was before _he_ came back, but the other part, the wiser part, knew it would never be the same. I paced anxiously from the house to the garage waiting for Bella and Charlie to arrive. 

"Hey Bella!" I practiced my greeting as I opened my arms widely. It didn't seem right I continued to practice and pace. "Bella, how's it going?" I threw my hands down in frustration, that greeting wouldn't do either. From behind me I heard a faint laughter. I spun around to find Embry hiding in the trees watching my awkward preparations.

"Embry, what are you doing?" I glared angrily in his direction.

"The better question, my dear friend, is what are _you_ doing?" he said, chuckling to himself the whole time. My shoulders slumped forward. I felt so stupid preparing to say hello to a girl that I had talked to everyday for the last six months. But things weren't like they use to be; she was not the same girl. And to be honest, I am not a boy anymore at all. "Jacob, seriously just be yourself. Bella appreciates you for who you are."

"This is different. We need to have a pretty heavy conversation and that's only if I can convince her to take a walk with me." I sounded like a whiny two year old. I was amazed that one person could have such an effect on me. "I am not sure if I am as ready for this as I thought."

"Well you better be ready because her she comes." Embry pointed behind me. I turned to see Charlie's cruiser pulling into the driveway. "Just be yourself, Jacob. Well, maybe a little less angry than yourself. It'll all work out man; call me when she leaves." Embry gave me a pat on my shoulder and headed back into the woods. I exhaled a breath I didn't know I was holding and turned to face my future.

I walked slowly towards the cruiser, trying to play it cool. My heart raced like I had been running for hours. Charlie stepped out of the cruiser first. Bella was slower to leave the safety of the car.

"Jacob! How are you? Is it possible you have gotten bigger since the last time I saw you?" Charlie greeted me kindly. And yes, it was possible. It seems that since the return of the Cullens my size and strength had increased.

"I'm good, thank you." I replied and reached my hand out to shake his. Bella peeked at me through her eyelashes, never making any eye contact. I turned to her, willing her to look at me. "Hi Bells." I said the words slowly, softly. She didn't seem angry with anymore, just sad.

"Hi Jake," she replied still without looking at me. There was an awkward silence building between us. Charlie must have been able to sense it.

"Hey why don't you guys go for a walk or something? I am sure you have catching up to do." Charlie walked off toward the house leaving us in the deafening silence. I shifted my weight waiting for her to say something, anything. Even if she would have yelled at me it would be better than this. Bella stood across from me her eyes downcast and her hands shoved in her pockets. She didn't want to be here, not with me. I decided I had to say something before I drowned in the silence of the moment.

"Bella, I've missed you." It was barely a whisper. Her head snapped up and she looked at me for the first time. The words hurt me to say, admitting it felt like I was exposing my biggest weakness.

"Why?" she asked in a small, surprised voice.

I let out a slow tense laugh. "Bella let's go to the beach so we can talk about everything." She nodded slowly in response and we hopped in my car. She was not happy to be dragged to La Push, her sad eyes and hunched shoulders gave her away. I am sure it's because she was away from him. Edward was not allowed to step foot on our land, if he did it would be war. I can only imagine how angry he must have been knowing Bella would be here with me. A part of me reveled in the pain this brought him and the other part knew that provoking him was not wise. He could take her from me, forever, in a heart beat.

The short ride to the beach was quiet. I could smell _him_ on her more intensely in the confined space of my Rabbit. I parked and we walked slowly along the shore. Neither one of us was sure what to say or do next.

"I've missed you too." Bella finally spoke and her words warmed my heart. I stopped to face her, shaking not from anger but from fear.

"I'm sorry, about the motorcycle thing. I just wanted to protect you."

"You just wanted to keep me away from Edward," she said matter-of-factly.

"Well that would fall along the same lines as protecting you," I returned her tone. This conversation was going no where fast. "It shouldn't be this hard, talking to you." I said sadly, lowering my eyes and slumping over in defeat.

"It shouldn't be, but it is, and I don't know how to fix it." She looked at me, deep into my eyes, willing me to have an answer. I didn't. I looked away. Seeing her, having her so close was maddening, knowing that she was with him enraged and broke me at the same time. I didn't even think before the words came out of my mouth. I acted on pure instinct.

"Bella, I love you. I can't just sit back and watch you become one of them. It would kill me to see you become a leech." My face twisted in anguish at the thought of Bella cold and white, smelling sickeningly sweet. I looked into her eyes searching for her soul, making sure it wasn't already gone. She dropped her face into her hands and rubbed her temples. She seemed to be having an inner struggle.

"Jacob…" Bella looked at me with sorrowful eyes, her voice almost inaudible. "Jacob, please understand. I do love you, but not the same way that I love Edward." Her eyes welled with sadness. The words she spoke stabbed at my heart. She loved me, but the leech was what she wanted; he was more important.

"Why? Because I didn't leave you completely broken and destroyed." My body tensed at the memories of Bella when he had left. I clenched my fists. "Because I don't have to take your soul for me to love you, for us to be together."

"Jacob, that isn't fair!" She shouted at me, pulling her shoulders back and glaring at me. "I came here to make our friendship work, to make this right."

I breathed a heavy sigh before I spoke. Everything had to be out in the open in order for it to be fixed. "You know what isn't fair, Bella? I was the one who was here for you; who protected you, and now I'm the one out of your life."

"That was your choice," she shot back the fury building in her tone. We stood there staring at each other. "Jacob, I didn't kick you out of my life you left. I need you in my life. You mean so much to me but you're not willing to accept that Edward is in my life too."

"What choice did you leave me? _He_ comes back, and you pretend like nothing happened. Then you decide not only are you in love with my enemy but you _want_ to become my mortal enemy. How was I supposed to react?"

"Like my friend," she whispered. The realization of the consequences of her actions seemed to settle over her. "Think about it for a minute. Your great grandfather had to see something special, something safe in the Cullens to make a treaty with them. Not all vampires are the same. They wouldn't hurt a human. Edward wouldn't even change me when I asked. He believes I have a soul and that being human is more important then living with him forever." She looked sad as she said this. He had refused to change yet she still planned to become one of them.

"If he won't change you then…"

"Edward isn't the only vampire I know and we have come to an agreement. Jacob I will be one of them. You need to accept that."

"And what about Charlie? Does he know of all your grand plans? That you are willingly going to become one of the eternally damned." She looked away from me. Charlie was her weakness. She wanted to become one of them without losing the world around her. It wasn't possible. The wind caught her hair and blew it into her face. Without thinking I reached up and brushed the hair out of her eyes, resting my hand on her cheek. I lost myself in the moment and in one quick motion Bella was in my arms. She hugged me back and a wave of relief and joy rushed through me. We stayed like that for a long time. I released her a little so I could look into her eyes. I took her face in both my hands and without a second thought I pressed my lips to hers. I expected her to push me away but she didn't. It only lasted a brief moment before Bella stepped away.

"Jacob, I can't." She stepped away from me, her face twisted in confusion.

"Why not?" I said sadly. "This could work Bella. We could be together. You wouldn't have to give up your family or your soul for me," I pleaded with my whole being.

"I…I love him," she said as she continuously moved away from me. "I have to go."

"It's not over." She nodded in agreement. She knew this issue was not resolved. I handed her the keys to my car. I needed some space, I needed to run. "Go, I'll head back later." I watched as she ran to the car. I could still feel her lips on mine. For the first time in days I felt… hope.


	4. The Confrontation

**This part took a while to get just right I hope you all enjoy it. **

**Thanks again to sillybella for the great beta. **

****

******Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

I ran, the beating of my heart drowning out all thoughts. I was grateful for the small reprieve. When I stopped I knew the memory would wash over me, consuming me with questions. As I approached the beach I slowed and phased back to my human form. For days it felt like someone had been following me, watching, but I never saw anyone. It was just my heightened sense playing tricks on me. I closed my eyes and listened to the rushing ocean water. It soothed my tormented soul. Bella stayed on my mind all the time. I hadn't seen or heard from her in days, but the last time we met, when our lips met, was burned into my memory. I paced the beach trying to reason out why she had let me; why she hadn't pulled away? I needed to talk to her, but I wasn't supposed to go near her house. Sam had warned me to stay away, knowing the leeches would be there. He had not _forbidden_ me though. I could go and just _watch_. If the leech wasn't there then I could talk with Bella. There was no harm in that.

I walked all the way to Bella's house for fear someone would read my thoughts and try to stop me or that Sam would find out. I moved carefully through the forest near Bella's house, trying not to make any noise. When I reached the edge I looked up at her room. She stood by the window, smiling. She would always be the most beautiful girl I knew. It looked like she might be cleaning or packing something. I knew I should make myself known, walk up to the door and say hello, but I feared her response more than I had originally thought I would.

Then the beautiful daydream was interrupted as ghostly white hands wrapped themselves around Bella's waist and pulled her into his lips. I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. I leaned against the nearest tree for support. How could she want him? He was cold and unnatural in every way. I looked up again and noticed they were no longer framed by the window. I didn't want to think about what they might be doing out of sight. I slowly turned to walk away when I heard my name.

"Jacob Black," the words were spit like venom in my direction. I turned to see Edward Cullen standing in front of me. "Didn't anyone ever tell you it wasn't nice spy on people?" Every muscle in my body went taut. I hated the shimmering being standing in front of me. I wanted to shred him and start a bonfire; that was really the only thing vampires were good for.

"Now, now Jacob, we wouldn't want to start a fire in the forest." I stared angrily at his smug face, remembering his invasive talent.

"I just came for Bella, I didn't know you would be here." I said through gritted teeth. Even though I'd never been so angry, I managed to stay in human form without even a tremor.

"I am always here. She doesn't want to see you now Jacob, especially when you are so uptight." He remarked noticing the tension coursing through my body.

"_She_ doesn't want to see me, or _you_ don't want her to see me? You can't keep her prisoner forever you know." I retorted. "One day she will realize the monster and murderer you are, and then she will leave." His calm façade faltered, if only for a second. That was his weakness: being a monster and bringing Bella into that world.

"You're right, she is my weakness, and if there were any other way I would choose it. But she can't live without me just as much as I can't live without her," he said solemnly.

"She lived without you because she had me. We were fine until you decided to go on a suicide mission and she had to save you from yourself. Talk about selfish. You left her here, broken. I fixed her, made her better, and you get to have her back after everything you did." I raged at him. These were all the things I had wanted to say when I first talked with him. He clenched and unclenched his fists controlling the rage I had evoked. I wasn't the only one open with anger issues. He closed his eyes tightly and massaged his temples. I had obviously struck a nerve. I could never figure him out. Vampires were not supposed to care for humans. They were meant to see them as prey, yet he had some sort of conscience about him. "You don't deserve her. You certainly don't deserve her soul." His eyes flashed in my direction.

He spoke his words slowly, deliberately, "Jacob, I will never be able to repay the debt I have to you for keeping Bella safe in my absence. But she has mad her decision. She is with me."

I glanced at Bella's window hoping to see her, hoping the sight of me would make her remember that there is more to life then being with leeches. I willed her to feel my presence and come to the window. The parasite gasped like someone had punched him in the stomach.

"STOP!!!! Just stop. You were never in her room. That would never happen." I looked at him puzzled and had to rethink about what had made him so unhappy with me. Then I realized he saw my memory of being in Bella's room the night I had come to see her, the memory I had been thinking while I looked at her window.

"I said stop!" he roared again. "She would never allow _you_ in her room at night. He looked more alabaster than usually. Could vampires possibly be whiter? Clearly they could be jealous; another emotion I didn't think was possible. I thought some more about that night, when I held Bella's face in my hands just inches from my face. I wanted to kiss her then but the timing just wasn't right.

"That is a memory, not a fantasy. And you really should stay out of people's minds; you never know when you'll see something you don't like." A low growl built in his chest and when he looked up at me his eyes were dark as night. I stood my ground. "Who's being the dangerous monster now?" I thought some more about the time I had spent with Bella. I remembered the horrifying sight of pulling her limp body out of the ocean. Edward gasped again like he had been stricken. I continued the thought to her being on my couch and us holding hands, sleeping closely together.

"Stop, you stupid, filthy mutt." Edward snarled through clenched teeth. He was slowly losing control of his carefully constructed façade.

"You see at least I can keep her warm." I grinned at the thought. Edward hissed in anger at the images I conjured. "All you can do is make her cold, leech."

"Bella is warm enough with me, but I guess you would be good to play fetch with, mongrel." I laughed deeply at his poor attempt at hiding his fading confidence. I thought some more. I showed him the time Bella had been riding the motorcycle and I had to take her to the hospital. When we were the truck it was the first time I had felt hope for us because she had said I was beautiful. I had given her my shirt and she had looked at me longingly and called me beautiful. Again the bloodsucker made an angry noise but this time when I looked up he was pinching the bridge of his nose looking almost broken.

"Listen, Bloodsucker, you aren't the only on in her life. Maybe you think she has chosen you but I'm not completely out of the picture." I had saved my most prized memories for last, Bella hugging my tightly, Bella saying good bye, kissing my palm right before she ran after him, and finally Bella kissing me the other night at the beach.

The soul stealer was in my face in a second, snarling and hissing. "Jacob Black I will not allow you to do this. Bella is meant for me not a flea ridden hound." His eyes showed his true anger. This was the monster I was expecting not the emotional sap from before.

The sound of a snapping twig made both our heads spin. Walking up from somewhere deep in the forest was Embry. He had been following me.

"Now boys, as much as I am enjoying the witty banter, the situation is getting a tad bit out of hand. Seriously, playing fetch? You couldn't think of anything better." Embry looked at Edward who had visibly calmed and shook his head. "And you, I know you have better words than leech." Embry looked between the both us waiting for the tension and anger to relax a bit more. He knew the bloodsucker wouldn't try to fight both of us.

"What are you doing here Embry?" I said through a clenched jaw.

"Well I know you well enough Jake to know that you would do something stupid when it came to Bella. So I've been following you. I knew it was only a matter of time before you came here," he said smugly.

"How sweet, Jacob; you have a puppy sitter," Edward said with a tight laugh. Just then the trees next to us began to shake unnaturally and the biggest leech of all appeared. Edward dropped his head and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What the hell is going on here?" boomed the largest of the leeches.

"Well the boys here were having some trouble playing nicely." Embry said calmly. The big one looked between Edward and I and didn't like the tension he saw. Embry took a step closer to me showing support for the first time since he arrived.

"This is about Bella?" The brawny one asked.

"Yes," we both replied sharply. He shook his head in disbelief.

"Are you two stupid? Were you going to fight right outside her house? She was looking out her window as I ran past. Great idea; let her watch you idiots tear each other to shreds." He looked angrily at the both of us.

"The mangy mutt was the one skulking out in the woods." Edward said accusingly.

"Only because there are always bloodsuckers here," I shot back. Both the burly bloodsucker and Embry laughed tightly at us. They were trying to down play the tension but both of them held their bodies at the ready, fists clenched tightly. I was surprised at how composed Embry was. It was the first time he had been around vampires while not in wolf form.

The big one looked at his fellow bloodsucker before speaking "Jacob, you can't just show up at the house you need to call first and _if_ Bella wants to see you she will. You should stay on the reservation, don't cross the treaty lines. It only causes problems and you're not protected here." The leech had said the words in a calm tone but they were a warning, for me and the rest of the pack.

"Fine" I replied sourly.

"And Edward maybe you should be a little less possessive of Bella and let her see her friends. We were the ones who kept her safe all those months you were away." Embry chimed in. I could tell from the look on the leeches face that Embry had been thinking about something unpleasant for him to see.

"Edward" the big onesaid sternly.

"Fine" he replied through gritted teeth.

"Time to go Jake," Embry said softly, never taking his eyes off the bloodsuckers, his body trembled every so often. I left more for him than necessity. Their presence didn't bother me. I was in complete control. We walked slowly away from the bloodsuckers. I thought one last time of the kiss Bella and I had shared allowing Edward to feel the full emotion of it. I heard the sound of a tree being pummeled but never looked back. I knew he had gotten the message. This was far from over and he wasn't the only one in Bella's life.

We walked a little way in silence. I didn't want to talk about what had happened. It was stupid. I would have regretted hurting the leeches only because Bella would have hurt. I didn't want to hurt Bella, not ever. It was interesting how Edward reacted to the scenes I had shown. I now knew his weakness more so than before. Once we were far enough away, we phased and ran back to the reservation. Embry's thoughts rushed over me before my paws had hit the ground. I was grateful he had been there. I could hear the thoughts of the others which meant that they could hear mine. Soon the whole pack would know what had happened. I ran faster, already knowing it was going to be a long night.


	5. Choices

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thank you to my Beta sillybella**

* * *

I ran hard and fast through the forest, ignoring the angry voices in my head. Paul was livid, of course. Sam, on the other hand, was quiet on the matter. He had called a meeting for everyone but me. I was unsure what to make of my exclusion but grateful for the reprieve.

I ran to the beach. I tended to find peace in the crashing of the waves. I needed to soothe my taut muscles. I phased back to my human form and climbed to the top of the highest cliff, Bella's cliff actually, and I jumped. My body felt free as I plummeted through the air towards the icy water below. I crashed through the water, dousing my fiery flesh. I remembered clearly the day I pulled Bella out of the water, and it made my heart ache. She consumed my every thought.

I took two large scissor kicks and broke through the surface of the water. I swam toward the shore, my muscles relaxing in the cold of the water. I thought about the day. All I had wanted to do was see Bella, but of course _he_ was there. I never had any intention of even talking with him, but then there he was. I hadn't felt the need to transform in front of the leeches, but I still had built up tension from the situation. I was proud of Embry. He had controlled himself in the presence of not one, but two, vampires. He was becoming stronger; we all were, because of the leeches return.

I allowed myself to float, relaxing further as the rough water pushed me around. I began to wonder if Edward would be mad at Bella. It was obvious she hadn't told him about the kiss. There were implications there that I didn't understand. I didn't intentionally mean for him to see those thoughts, at least, not at first. Bella is always on my mind, and I never considered how that might affect him; to be honest I didn't think it would. He was a bloodsucker; they don't feel anything. My actions were still childish once I knew he could; I should have stopped, but he was just being so smug. He needed to see Bella had options.

I thought about the meeting I wasn't required to attend. I hoped my brothers weren't being too hard on Embry. It wasn't his fault; he shouldn't have followed me, but it still wasn't his fault. I would take whatever they threw at me, even if it was Paul. I continued to contemplate all that had transpired today. The burly one was a bit menacing in appearance, but he didn't try to attack us. He was almost civil. I would never trust a leech, but these leeches were just odd. They never did what I expected. As I floated closer to shore I noticed Sam standing on the edge of the water.

I walked through the icy water and approached Sam. "So where are the others? I'm ready for my reprimand," I said dryly.

"They're not coming. You just have to deal with me for today."

"Oh," I replied, liking the situation even less. I didn't have to wait long to find out what was on Sam's mind.

"What were you thinking, Jacob? You could have gotten Embry killed," he shouted at me through gritted teeth.

I thought for a moment. "Well, he shouldn't have been following me."

"He was worried that you would do something stupid, and you did. We are only protected by the treaty here, on our land. Off the reservation we are not protected, and if we hurt one of them the treaty is broken. Do you understand what that means?" he shouted angrily. I stared surprised at his open rage. "It means war!"

I returned his hostility. "I know! But I didn't even have any tremors in their presence. I wouldn't have phased unless absolutely necessary." I said confidently, pleased I was so strong.

"It doesn't matter! If you harm one of them off our land they have every right to feed on our land. Are you willing to sacrifice our people for Bella?" Sam was seething.

I thought about what he was saying. I wouldn't have harmed them, I was in control. It didn't have to be one or the other; I could protect both. "There is no choice to make. I can protect both our land and Bella," I said defiantly and walked away.

Sam spoke softly, "You are still a child in so many ways. When will you realize the responsibility you have to this tribe? You're life is no longer your own. It all changed the day the vampires came to town. The day the red-haired one decided to hunt Bella."

"What!" I spun around to face him. Was he actually blaming my becoming a monster on Bella?

The look on his face was contemplative. Sam took a deep breath and spoke again. "The Cullens were gone; you wouldn't have changed, Jacob. There were no vampires in the area until the pair came looking for Bella. So in a way it is her fault you are what you are." Anger coursed through my body and without thinking I lunged at Sam. I grabbed him by the shirt and yelled, "Do not blame this on her! The leeches did this, not her." Sam grabbed me back and the force knocked us both to the ground. We were fighting like children in the school yard. We struggled in the sand, each trying to gain control of the other. I couldn't help but think that if this had been one of my brothers they would have changed from the anger; then again none of my brothers would have challenged Sam, not like this.

In the brief seconds I was distracted by my thoughts, Sam managed to pin me. "Jacob, you need to let this go. She's not worth it." Quickly I shifted my weight and flipped him. I pinned him as he struggled to regain his hold on me. He looked at me realizing that I was stronger and stopped struggling. I let him up and started to walk away. I had just proved all his theories right. I was meant to lead.

"Jake, wait. Let's talk about this." I slowed my steps but didn't turn around. I inhaled deeply trying to release the tension that had built up again. Sam spoke from behind me. "I'm sorry for what I said about Bella. I do genuinely like her, but there is little that the can be done now. Please understand there is a danger to our people, to a treaty that is decades old. A treaty that Ephriam Black, your great-grandfather, created."

I closed my eyes, absorbing all that Sam had said. I felt torn between the future I wanted with the girl I loved and an unchosen past that controlled my destiny. "What if someone told you you had to choose, that you had to give up Emily?" I asked weakly, already knowing the answer.

"I would fulfill my responsibilities to my people, and I would let go of what I knew wasn't meant to be," he said solemnly. I nodded my head slowly. Fate had made a choice for me decades before I was born. Now I had to either follow the predetermined plan or come up with my own.

Sam came and stood beside me. "Tonight, more than ever, you proved that you are meant to be the leader. Yes, earlier what you did with Embry was stupid and juvenile. A time will come when you won't do those things. I understand you are young; hell, you're nearly two years younger than me when I changed. I can't imagine what that is like." He paused contemplating the loss of my youth. I thought about this. At sixteen, I was being asked to give up everything that was my own and devote my life to a cause I didn't always understand. Yes, I hated the leeches, everything about them, but they couldn't stay here forever. What happens to me when they leave? Is it only then that I get to have a life?

"Sam, I need some time alone," I whispered hoarsely as the realization of my situation closed in around me.

"I understand," was all he said.

I was foolish to think that there was ever really a choice of my own in this matter. I stared out at the ocean watching the waves crash onto the beach. My own world felt like the sand being beaten and tossed around in the dark, cold ocean. I walked slowly up the beach. There was no reason to run. Everything that I was running to or from ceased to exist.

The sun came up over La Push with a fiery vengeance. I was surprised to see that is was already morning. I had spent the night walking thinking about what my future held and finding no answers. My choice was made the day Ephriam Black made a treaty with leeches; the day Edward Cullen walked into Bella's life. She had made a choice, and now I had to. Bella would no longer be in my life. I slowly began to lock away the memories and feelings of unrequited love. I would not dwell on what could not be, for so many reasons. I reached the edge of the forest by my house, allowing the last memory of her to fade from my mind. As I did, the familiar rumble of an old truck echoed through my body. This couldn't be happening. If hell existed on earth, it was here and now.


	6. Hell

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N Thank you to Sillybella and Butterscotch for being great betas. I am having lots of fun writing this story. It can be painful at times but Jacob is soo much fun to write about. Lots of people hav asked how many chapters are left and to be honest I am not sure. I know how it ends I just have to ge there. I should have more time to write now that I am done student teaching and I will hopefully have a better idea then. Please review when you are done reading,(no pressure!) Thanks to all those who have reviewed.

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The rumbling of the truck cut out as Bella parked. I watched her slide from the driver's seat and head toward the front door. She walked with a powerful determination I hadn't seen in her before. I wondered what Dad would say to her, if he would give her a lecture as in times past, or if he would simply ask her in. I couldn't have her in my house; this was going to be hard enough without that, too. Stepping from the dark shadows of the forest just as Bella hit the top step, I called out to her.

"Bella, I'm here," I said softly, waiting for her to turn around. I walked toward her slowly, studying every inch of her beautiful face, committing it to memory. I wouldn't see it again, unless for some reason she had changed her mind and decided to leave the leeches to stay with me. The thought was soothing­- it caused hoped. Pushing it from my mind, I continued to move towards her.

"Jacob, I…" Bella paused, taking in my appearance. I had forgotten that my shirt hadn't survived my last transformation. A grin briefly crossed my face as she stared at me. She had seen me without a shirt before and called me beautiful- a memory I fought hard to suppress. Did she still think that now, after all that had happened?

"Yes, Bella?" I whispered standing at the foot of the steps. We were almost the same height, even though she was on the porch.

"Um…what did you think you were doing, coming to my house and starting a fight with Edward?" she asked incredulously.

It didn't surprise me, her taking the leech's side, but it did hurt. "I didn't start a fight with anyone. He is the one who came out and confronted me. Why is it not surprising that you would believe exactly what the leech says?" My tone was harsher than intended; she flinched back as my words stung her. Hurt bred more hurt, pain for one was pain for us both, and suffering was all that was left.

"What do you mean, _he_ confronted _you_?" she asked in confusion, not meeting my eyes.

I cupped her chin in one hand and raised her eyes to meet mine. "It doesn't matter. You made up your mind, and I can't be around you anymore. If it makes it easier for you to think I started a fight with him, so be it." Tears brimmed in her eyes. Stroking her cheek gently with my thumb, my words were soft but firm. "We can't go on like this, Bella. I…my feelings for you can't interfere with my destiny. You made a choice that I can't agree with, and now I have to make a choice, too."

Tears slid down her face as she spoke. "You can't mean that. You're my…" her breath caught as she began to sob. "You're my best friend, and I can't be without you, Jacob." Each tear drop cut my soul to shreds. My body filled with tension from the pain I was causing her. But this was different from before; in a few days she would forget me. Time would heal this wound. Time and, of course, the parasite that she wanted to give her soul to.

"Bella, you are not my destiny. We are not meant to be anything, not even friends. You have no right to ask me to stand idly by and watch you be with my enemy. I can't…no, I won't do it. I won't be second best, not to a leech. I was here for you, but you ran back to him the second he returned. He told you I started a fight with him, and you automatically believed him."

"He asked me about the kiss- how did he know about that? Were you trying to hurt him, to hurt me?" She spoke in shaky tones, fighting back the tears.

A bitter, tight laugh escaped me. "It was a memory, nothing more. You truly think I would tell him on purpose, treat you like something to play against him? You don't really know me at all, do you?" The tears slid down her face like a rapidly flowing stream. As each one hit my hand, it burned my flesh. Lies, all of it. There was no other way; part of the lies held hidden truth, but not enough to make the things I was saying okay. I was no better than the leech. "This is goodbye, Bells." Bells- it was my special nickname for her when I wanted to comfort her, but this time it didn't seem to work.

Her tiny frame shook with heavy sobs as my words resonated with her. I fought every natural instinct to take her in my arms and tell her everything would be okay. But it couldn't be. Nothing between us would ever be the same again.

Bella looked deep into my eyes. "You don't mean it, Jacob. I know you, and you don't mean it." If I continued to listen to her, my heart might overrule my mind. Bella reached up and took my face in her hands. "You don't mean it," she repeated softly.

"Yes, I- " Bella's lips were on mine before I could finish my sentence. She was kissing me with a passion I didn't think existed. Pulling away breathlessly, I rested my forehead against hers. Pain consumed me; this would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do. "Goodbye, Bella." The words were slow and deliberate.

I quickly turned and climbed the steps, not trusting myself to look at her one last time. I walked through the front door; Dad didn't ask me anything as I crossed the short distance to my room. I slammed the door behind me, and it nearly fell off the hinges. I turned on the radio, blasting heavy guitar riffs and pounding drum beats. They weren't enough to keep her words from replaying in my head. What had I done? I had left her to the leeches, all to fulfill a destiny I didn't want.

Anger ran through my veins, but my body didn't tremble or phase. I picked up the closest thing to me and threw it across the room. My alarm clock lay smashed on the floor in a hundred pieces. Just like my friendship with Bella- fractured beyond repair. My hands clenched into fists; the anger raged on as I thought of her tears. The lamp was the next thing to go. I blindly grabbed things from the shelves and my closest, throwing them hard against the wall. By the time the anger lessened, my room and all of my belongings were destroyed. It didn't matter- nothing mattered. They were just things. I flung myself on the bed and wallowed. There was nothing left to do. Cool rivers of water had leaked from my eyes. I hadn't noticed the tears before, but they were there. The last time tears ran down my face had been the night it happened, when I found out the truth about my heritage. This seemed so much worse than finding out I was a werewolf.

Lying on my bed, I allowed myself to think of the kiss one last time before storing it away with the rest of my memories of her. She had kissed me. It was a soft kiss full of passion, one that made you crave more, made you think you could have more. There was nothing for me there. All I had wanted was now lost. My fists were balled tight, and the anger started to return. I swung my fist, and it landed squarely into the wall. A large hole remained where my fist had been. Before I could swing again, my door flew open.

"What the hell?" Embry was standing at the threshold of my room, taking in the destruction.

"Hell, exactly," I said without moving or truly acknowledging him. "I am now in hell."


	7. If

**Thank you to my two wonderful Betas Butterscotch and sillybella. You guys are amazing.**

**Just as a reminder this story takes place after New Moon so most of the events can't be referenced in the other books. Also this is just my perspective. Just wanted to clear that up. I hope you are all enjoying the story. I am certainly enjoying writing it.**

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Embry stood in the doorway, surveying the destruction. He eyed me cautiously before he spoke. "What happened?" he asked softly, still not entering the room for fear I would lose it again.

"I…" inhaling deeply through my nose to calm the rage, "don't want to talk about it." My jaw was clenched tightly as the sounds of Bella's tears echoed in my mind. I refused to look at Embry; there would only be pity in his eyes. _Poor, pitiful, Jacob, always wanting more than he should,_ the rest of the pack would be thinking. Maybe not around me, but they would still think it."Hmph." Anger and frustration clouded my mind. _Pitiful_—that's exactly what I was.

"Jacob, talk to me. I assume this is about _her._ Billy told me she had stopped by, and earlier I talked to Sam about last night…" Embry's voice trailed off. I glanced at him for the first time; he looked exhausted and worried.

"Of course it's about Bella. I just…" There were no words to describe my feelings; the rage and the pain were still too fresh. "Not now, Embry, not now." It was barely a whisper, but he heard.

Slowly Embry turned and left my doorway, but not my house. He had been my friend for as long as I could remember. He was determined to help me through this. All of our experiences—building cars, realizing that girls existed, becoming brothers in the pack—had all been things we'd done together. But this was something completely foreign to us both. I could faintly hear Embry's voice from the kitchen. He was calling the others, the concern clear in his voice. Sam would be here shortly. It wouldn't do any good. Nothing he could say would make this better.

My thoughts wandered dangerously close to Bella. Pushing them aside, I focused my rage. The leech, this was _his_ fault. If he would have just stayed away…I didn't continue the thought. _If._ It was such a simple word, filled with possibility. _If_ my life were normal, _if_ he wasn't a parasite, _if_ Bella had kissed me earlier, _if_ she didn't _want_ to be a bloodsucker; the list was endless.

_Whack_! My fist had found its way through the wall again. Embry was at my door in an instant, staring at the new destruction. He shook his head and walked away slowly. I wrapped my arms around my head, trying to block out the world around me. Unfortunately, it wasn't the world around me that was haunting my thoughts. It was _her_. Her voice, her words, her tears, and worst of all her kiss—the way her gentle lips had caressed mine. What did it mean? Was it desperation or something more? The thoughts swirled loudly in my head, so loudly that I didn't hear her come in.

"Jacob." Her voice was soft and full of worry. "You don't have to speak but I ask that you please listen." I moved my arms in order to see her, to make sure I wasn't imagining things. I nodded slowly in response to her words.

She perched herself on the end of my bed and spoke again, "This life you have isn't easy, but the choices you make have to be for you, not the pack." I propped myself up to look at her.

The pack had sent Emily. They knew I would behave myself for her. She was like the older sisters I had but who were too far away to give me advice.

"Emily." Her name came out quietly. "It is not my choice alone; she has to know what she wants, too."

"Sometimes you don't know what you want until you almost lose it." She paused, contemplating her next words. "You know how I got these scars. But do you know why?" I shook my head; we never talked about that night. I had seen it so clearly in Sam's mind when he wanted me to stay away from Bella, when I wasn't in control.

"It's a story that most people don't get to hear, but I think you need to. It may help you understand Bella and why everything is so hard right now." She looked down at her clasped hands in her lap. She took a deep breath, slowly preparing herself to tell me a story she had locked away. "It had only been about six months after Sam changed. At first I didn't know why he had left me. I, like you, did not believe in the legends. So many things about Sam had changed, and I didn't know why. I hardly saw him for months, and when I did see him he looked different, bigger, more tired than ever before. I constantly told myself that I was over him. Lies are easy to believe if you repeat them long enough." She looked deep into my eyes, knowing the lies I had told Bella. "I know you had to tell her you didn't care, but Bella is too much like me. She knows the truth. You didn't mean it, Jacob." Her words caught me off guard—they were the exact same ones Bella had used. The memory, still so fresh, ripped at my heart.

"Sam had come to the house to tell me that we could never be together again. Even after all that time, I didn't think it mattered. But hearing him say that it was over for good was too much. I argued with him in my kitchen. I told him I would never give up on him, I wouldn't let go." She was lost in the memory as tears swelled in her eyes. I knew what happened next. I had seen it so clearly in Sam's mind—the pain and the regret that would haunt him forever.

"It's okay, Emily." My words were soft. She didn't have to relive the pain for me. I sat up and wrapped my arms around her. Her point was clear; letting go was not easy, and in some cases, if you fought hard enough, you didn't have to do it. But either way it left scars, like the ones on Emily's face, or the ones that would be left when the holes in my heart began to heal.

"Jacob, you have to fight for what you want. Don't let go." I looked at her bewildered. She had to know what my destiny was, and yet she was telling me to go against it.

"There is a path chosen for me that I have to take. Rejecting it would only do harm to our people." I spoke solemnly; realization of my future was dawning on me.

"Please think about it. You don't have to give up what you love to lead. Sam didn't, and neither do you."

I breathed deeply, thinking over what my options were. "She made her decision, and it wasn't me." It was the truth as far as I knew it. That kiss could have meant anything; to me it meant goodbye.

Emily sensed the uncertainty in my body. "This isn't you. The Jacob I know fights for what he wants; he doesn't mope in his bedroom. And he certainly doesn't let the girl he loves walk away and choose to lead a soulless life. Not without a fight." She had known me forever, and she was right. But I couldn't go back.

"I am not _that_ Jacob anymore." The words were rough in my throat. I didn't know who I was. Bella was not an option. She had chosen and so had I. My life now belonged to the pack. One day I would take my place as leader and live the lonely existence that was meant for me.

"My poor, sweet Jacob, what has happened to you?" Emily held my face in her hands and looked into my sorrowful eyes. "Follow your heart," she whispered, kissing me on the forehead before she left.

I threw myself backwards, flopping hard against the bed. Follow your heart—easier said than done. My heart wanted only one thing, but I had denied it. I sighed heavily. I didn't know how I was going to get through this, or even _if_ I was going to get through this. Emily's words rattled around my brain—_this isn't you_. Her words were followed by the voice that haunted me—_you don't mean it. _Bella knew me too well; but that part of my life was over now.

My body ached from the tension still gripping it. I knew that the others were in my living room; the murmuring voices did not escape me. There was nothing they could do. Again I slowly locked away all the memories concerning her. It was harder this time. There was more to think about, more unanswered questions. I closed my eyes and let the memories fade. Then I slowly slipped into sleep. Goodbye, Bella.


	8. Struggles

**A/N I know i said I would be faster but I ended up log term subbing so I was still workign two jobs. Sorry!! SO here is the next piece and I have been working on the next two sections in hopes of posting faster. Just to give you an idea there are about 4-5 more chapters depending on what happens when I fill in the outline. Again I am really sorry for the delay. I promise it will be worth the wait when it is done.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended**

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**Confusion**

"I just don't know what to do. He's been in bed for two days." Dad's voice sounded exasperated. He was talking quietly, but I could still hear him. He'd been doing this the past two days, consulting everyone he thought could help. He'd even called Charlie, figuring this had to be what Bella had gone through. What she had now put me through. Several times I heard the words "broken-hearted" and "_his_ return did this." It didn't matter. Nothing did.

I shifted in bed so I could bury my head in the pillows and block out the sound. My solitary confinement was self-imposed. I hadn't left or seen anyone since Emily had visited me. I ignored her words, her encouragement to fight. They were dangerous to my sanity. I knew the others had been by—I had heard them, too. I just…I wasn't ready for anything. I feared leaving my room and losing control. The rage was still raw, and coming anywhere near a leech would cause a fight. A knock at the door interrupted my wallowing. I didn't answer; whoever it was would get the picture. The knock came again, more forceful this time.

"Go away!" I growled at the offensive noise, but instead of listening to my words, the person came in. I sat up ready to scream, assuming it was one of my brothers. I was shocked to see Charlie Swan enter my room, looking concerned.

"Is Bella okay? What's wrong, Charlie?" The words flowed quickly out of my mouth. In those few seconds of panic, my rage completely evaporated.

The left side of Charlie's face pulled up in a smirk. "Bella's fine, Jake, but I'm not so sure you are," he said grimly. I looked at him in surprise. I didn't know what to say to that. "Your dad's called me a couple of times now, so I thought I'd just drop by and talk to you."

"Talk to me?" Well this was awkward. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to Charlie about Bella and the leech. "Charlie, there really isn't—"

"Why don't you let me talk and you can listen, then?" Chief Swan was definitely taking control. I nodded, at a loss for words. "Jake, you just can't sit around here and wallow. Don't let him come back and take her." If Charlie only knew the whole story behind why Bella and I weren't speaking, would we even be having this conversation?

The anger surged through me, and my words were harsh. "The second that lee—loser came back, she ditched me, even as her friend. Honestly, Charlie, he's not good for her, he's dangerous." The warning in my tone was clear.

Charlie inhaled deeply, choosing his words carefully. "Now, you have to know I am not a fan of Edward Cullen." I cringed at the sound of the bloodsucker's name. "But I can't forbid her to see him. She'll move out to be with him."

A low growl built in my chest. "No, no, no, no!" My voice was fierce, and Charlie seemed frightened by my sudden outburst of rage.

"Calm down, Jacob," my father's firm voice came from the doorway.

I gathered myself before speaking again. I didn't want Charlie to think that I was bad for Bella, too. "I'm sorry, Charlie. She just…you can't let her…" I couldn't finish my sentence. What was I going to say? Don't let your daughter become a leech?

"I know, son, I know." And from the look on his face, he did know. "Part of the reason I came here was to see if you were okay; the other part was to ask you for help."

"Help?" The only help I wanted to offer was assuring the leech went away, permanently.

"Bella needs to have friends outside of him and his family. I'm afraid she is losing herself. You've always been so good for her. I don't want you to give up on her just because she is being selfish right now. Things will get better."

"Charlie, I can't be second best to him." My voice was low, the hurt too much to hide.

"Well then, _fight,_ damn it!" His angry voice filled the room. I looked up into Charlie's face. He had no idea what fighting Edward Cullen truly meant.

"I don't think that is a good—" my dad started to speak, but Charlie cut him off.

"The one thing I regret in this world is not fighting for Renee when she left. What would have happened if I had went after her and tried to change her mind? I will always wonder. Don't do that to yourself, Jake—fight for her." I was shocked at Charlie's words. The look on my dad's face said he was surprised as well.

"Charlie, I…" There were no words to explain just how hard it was to fight. This was not just a fight about a girl or love. It was about good and evil and mortal enemies. I wish he knew the truth, the seriousness of the danger—not to me, but to Bella. Emily's words reverberated through my head. She had told me to fight, too. Suddenly the room felt too small. My heart and my head began to battle over a decision that had already been made. I rubbed my temples, trying to ease the conflict and the confusion.

"Aww, Jake, don't be upset." Charlie sounded frustrated. He had never meant to hurt me. His intent was to wake me up, shake me out of this depression—and it was working, kind of. "I just don't want you to have to go through this. It is hard on everyone around you. It affects the people that love you, even Bella." Those were the words that pushed me over the edge. How could _this_ be affecting _her_? She didn't even know what was going on…or did she? I had always known when she was having a tough time. I quickly stood; both Charlie and Dad looked at me wide-eyed and backed out of the room.

"I need to get out of here." I hurried past them, both still shocked from my sudden desire to leave my room. Dad didn't bother to ask where I was going or when I'd be back; he only cared that I was finally leaving my room.

I headed directly towards the woods and phased as soon as I was out of sight. There was some comfort in the familiarity of running and the voices in my head.

"_Jake_!" Embry seemed happy to know I was back. "_Is everything okay_?" He was cautious because the last time he had seen me, I was destroying everything. He had seen me at my worst.

_It's okay for now. I'll meet you at the beach. _

"_Well look who has decided to grace us with his presence_," Paul snapped. I ignored him. This was not a time to fight; I needed to be filled in on the last few days. As I made my way further down the beach, two large figures emerged from the shadows and phased back to human form. A huge smile broke Embry's face as soon as he saw me. Paul looked cranky. I phased back and continued to move towards them.

"So what have I missed?" I asked hesitantly. I wasn't sure if I would like what I heard.

Embry shook his head as he spoke, "Not much has happened. I checked on Bella; she's okay, but there is always a bloodsucker with her." I looked at Embry, slightly surprised. He had checked on Bella for me, knowing that is what I truly wanted.

"There's still no sign of the red-head. She hasn't been back since the other leeches returned," Paul said grumpily. Nothing like being loved by Paul.

I took a deep breath; my absence hadn't really affected anything. That was good. "I guess we should go see Sam and find out how he wants to handle things." The others nodded at me. Facing Sam would be different than facing the boys.

We walked through the kitchen door at Emily's to be greeted by the powerful scent of blueberry muffins. I followed Paul and Embry into the house, bracing myself for the anger from the others. Emily saw me first.

"Jacob," she said warmly and gave me a hug. There was still worry in her eyes.

Jared walked over to me and gave me a pat on the back. "Good to have you back."

Sam stared at me from across the room, gave me a nod, and that was all. There was no yelling, no lectures; I was simply back and everyone seemed pleased. Even Paul made no more comments. This was easier than it should have been, and I was grateful. We sat in the small kitchen eating—something I hadn't done in days—and talking about how we would protect our people. Never once was Bella mentioned, and again I was thankful. I didn't want to talk about her yet. In my mind I wanted to let her go, but my heart was still struggling to—and to be honest, I wasn't sure it ever would.

Sam never mentioned my tantrum or my absence. I think somewhere deep down; he knew just how hard it was for me. After the incident with Emily, Sam understood love and how much pain could come from it.

The days resumed as before, constantly running in search of parasites. Bella's absence still plagued me. I wanted to see her, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Often I ran around her house, looking for a change, something to tell me if she was all right or not. The memory of her kissing me had somehow escaped the place where I had locked it away. At night I would think about that kiss—how her lips had pressed gently to mine, slowly pushing my mouth open and kissing me deeper. What did that mean? I knew this was a dangerous train of thought, but I couldn't help it. Maybe one day I would get to ask her.


	9. The Note

**A/N This part might seem familiar. I used parts of Jacob's Note that I had written as a JAcob POV from the first chapter of Eclipse. I think it ties things togethr nicely and helps the piece transition. I did change it from the original in order to fit my story. I hope you enjoy it even if you ahve already read it. Thank you for all your reviews keep it up.**

**The Note**

**Thank you to my great Beta Butterscotch. You amaze me with your speed and knowledge.**

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I was lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling; it was my newest hobby. The action required nothing from me and allowed the blissful solitude to consume me. If I stared long enough at the ceiling, the speckles created pictures. For me there was only one picture—her face. It was there even when I wasn't looking for it. It was behind my eyelids when I tried to sleep, bringing along with it the pain and worry. But the anger was the worst. It raged at the most unexpected times and always at the wrong people. My dad and the pack were always on the receiving end. They understood though, and so did I—better than they knew. The anger was my defense whenever someone came a little too close. Anger was easier than pain.

Charlie's speech had lifted me from the deep depression, but there was still too much going on in my head for me to be completely healed. I couldn't bring myself to see Bella, let alone fight for her. My heart, still clinging to the memories, urged my head to give in and talk to her. The battle raged in the quiet solitude of my room. This battle was best fought behind closed doors.

My peaceful solitude was broken when I heard Charlie's cruiser pull in front of the house. This meant Bella was alone—well, not really alone. Charlie's voice echoed a hello through the house, and then the voices became soft. They were talking about _us_ again. Neither Bella nor I had a mother around to gossip about us, so our fathers did it. I knew it was only out of concern, but Charlie was very much out of the loop. If only he knew the truth.

I decided to fulfill my required hello, and then do what I always did when he was here—check on Bella. If Charlie was here, that allowed the leech to be alone with her. Just the thought of it enraged me, and a low grumbling built in my chest. Forcing myself off the bed, I walked out into the kitchen and the conversation stopped. I felt like a pariah; more than one conversation had ended upon my entering a room.

"Hey, Jacob, how are you?" Charlie smiled warmly, but his eyes held worry.

"Fine, thanks, Charlie. Dad, I'm off for a while." It was all I could say. Small talk with Charlie wasn't something I could handle; inevitably, Bella always came up. Avoiding conversation was the best option. I walked out the door, and hushed tones of concern began again behind me.

Walking deep into the woods, I phased and began to run. The running always helped; it released and eased the anger, but it never dulled the pain. After a brief moment I could hear the others, Embry and Jared. Luckily Paul wasn't patrolling right now. He had the hardest time dealing with my thoughts. I tried to keep my mind on the task at hand, but often I strayed to thoughts of _her_. Plus, Paul had a hard time keeping his opinions to himself. Embry was good about the situation. He understood how hard this was for me; it was hard for him, too. He had become fond of Bella.

Embry's voice rang clear in my thoughts. _Jacob you know you shouldn't go over there. You're just torturing yourself._ He was right. We were told to stay away from Bella's, but that rule didn't apply to me. Sam hadn't been that specific about the rules to ban seeing her complete.

"I have to go check on her. Charlie's here again, and honestly, I can't be in the house while he and dad discuss me…well, _us _actually." Us. There was no _us_, I reminded myself before the thought could manifest the pain.

"Be careful, and we'll be close by if you need us." It was a silly thing to say. They were always close by when we were in wolf form; my mind was never my own then.

My paws pounded harder against the earth as I headed toward Bella's house. Running into a leech never concerned me; running into Bella was another story. I continued to avoid her phone calls. I wasn't sure what our conversation would be like. She had made her choice, and it broke my heart to even consider that possibility.

Approaching the edge of the forest, I slowed. The forest was teeming with the sickeningly sweet odor of vampire. The scent led right to Bella's house. I was certain it was him; there was always the same offensive stench when Charlie was away. I ran quickly around the surrounding forest, my nose rummaging through the air for others—there were none. I sat at the edge of the dark forest like a sentinel, waiting, for what I was never certain of. This was the hardest part—sitting outside her house _knowing_ the leech was with her, holding her the way I wanted to. It made me physically ill to even think it.

I sat watch for about an hour, always checking the forest for others. Charlie's visits usually only lasted an hour, and judging by the setting sun he would be back soon. Glancing one last time at Bella's window, I turned and headed home. There was a dull ache in my heart as I flew through the woods—not having seen her in almost a week caused me physical pain. I had hoped it would go away with time. But it still lingered, gripping tighter after being at her house and not seeing her.

I phased back in the forest just outside my house. I stopped; looking closely at the doorway to make sure Charlie had left. Walking to the steps slowly, I could sense Dad waiting for me. A look of concern was etched into his tired face.

"How was your run, Jacob?" He spoke in a voice more tired than his face looked. I eyed him curiously; it was unlike him to make small talk.

"It was fine… what's going on?" A look of shock played on his face, as if I wouldn't think his interest in my run was odd.

"Well I…" He paused, thinking about his response. "I was just wondering," he said sheepishly.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What have you and Charlie cooked up?"

"I am worried about you, Jacob. Nothing makes you smile, and you're always so angry. I understand, I do, but this moping and torturing yourself can't go on."

"Yes, it can." My tone was defiant, the anger resurfacing.

Dad sighed heavily. "Here," he said softly, raising his hand, "she sent this for you through Charlie."

Unease filled me as I looked at the note he was holding. Quickly snatching it from his hand, I stalked off to my room. The paper was soft, smelling faintly of her and only her. Its mere presence quickened my heart. I stared at it, thinking about all the things I _hoped_ it wouldsay, but knowing that it wouldn't say any of them.

Slowly, carefully, I unraveled the delicate folded square. Her handwriting scrawled across the page; it was easy to see where she had started and stopped, choosing her words carefully. The paper trembled slightly in my hands.

**Jacob,**

**I am not sure what to say to you. I think we need to talk. There are things that need to be discussed. I know I was wrong to blame you for the fight with Edward. I'm just… this is just so hard. I miss you and need you. **

**Bella **

I stared blankly at the paper. Her voice echoed the words in my head, the words that cut to my very soul. I missed her, I missed her more than she could possibly imagine. She had made being a werewolf bearable. I was her sun during her darkest night, the only thing that kept her moving. Yet she discarded me and my feelings so easily to choose a soulless life. How could she think _I_ would be okay with her being a leech? The note didn't even mention the kiss. Obviously it didn't matter.

Pulling the door open, I stomped out into the kitchen and retrieved a pen. I used the same paper she had written on. She wanted a note—I would give her a note. I sat on my bed and began to write the words that formed in response to her note.

**Bella,**

**I don't know why you are making Charlie carry notes to Billy like we're in second grade** **- if I wanted to talk to you I would just answer the**

I breathed deeply through my nose. Those words didn't seem right. They were true, but not exactly what I had wanted to say. I crossed them out, searching for a different response.

**You made the choice here, okay? You can't have it both ways when**

Again the harsh words flowed effortlessly onto the page, and again they were wrong. I struggled with a way to express myself without showing the hurt. Again I crossed out the words. I reread her note.

**What part of 'mortal enemies' is too complicated for you to**

The rage built in my body; I hadn't realized I was squeezing the pen until it was too late. Black splatters of ink kissed the page. Opening my hand carefully, I surveyed the damage. The pen was completely destroyed; the only thing remaining was a sticky black pool of ink in my hand. It reminded me of my future—black and broken. I rose off my bed and headed back into the kitchen.

"Jacob, is everything all right?" Dad didn't usually show concern, but he knew this was bad. Never before had I doubted if I would get past the challenges in my life. Becoming a werewolf was an unimaginable challenge, yet I survived and even took it in stride. But losing Bella was something much worse than becoming a werewolf. Whole parts of _me_ were lost. All the passion and caring were missing—it had left with her.

"It's fine, Dad. I just need another pen," I replied softly and walked back to my room.

Starting again, the words flowed in a softer tone. Some part of me knew this was my fault. I had pushed her, wanted more than I should have. My want clouded my judgment and made the anger worse.

**Look, I know I am being a jerk, but there is just no way around**

Looking at the words, I knew they weren't right. I drew a black line through them once again. I inhaled deeply, trying to find the words that wouldn't come. My eyebrows knit together; there had to be words to describe my feelings. Why couldn't she have chosen me? Part of me had thought the kiss was her way of showing that she wanted me. It had definitely felt that way, but I had pushed her away and now the blame fell equally between us. Being friends with her while she was dating a leech was not possible for so many reasons.

**We can't be friends when you are spending all your time with a bunch of**

No, still not right. Thinking about her was hard, but trying to send her a message was worse. The pain began to consume me. The loneliness created by her absence tortured my soul. Why was it that every time I thought I had let her go, something would happen to bring her back into my life? I had to find a way to let her go. Checking on her was one thing, but hearing from her so much harder.

**It just makes it worse when I think about you too much, so don't write anymore**

Did I really want to close that door? What if she wanted to come back—if she didn't want to be a leech after all? I breathed heavily, fighting the pain.

**Yeah, I miss you, too. A lot. Doesn't change anything. Sorry.**

**Jacob**

It was simple and to the point. It exposed all my weaknesses using hardly any words. I quickly folded the page and walked back into the kitchen to see Dad.

"Here," I said gruffly, handing the paper to him. "Give this to Charlie the next time he comes." His eyes were sad as he took the note and looked at me.

"Jacob…" He paused, unsure how to continue. We had never before had to talk about girls or mortal enemies or war. "Are you going to be okay?" The question caught me off guard. Was I going to be okay? I didn't have any reassuring words for him or myself.

"I don't know." The words were soft and full of truth. I walked back to my room, laid on my bed, and stared at the ceiling.


	10. The Kiss

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

The Kiss

By Be My Escape

AN- A Big thank you to Butterscotch the super Beta and Silly Bella the magnificent always keeping me on track.

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The days continued on much the same. I wondered what Bella thought of my response to her note. Her attempt to contact me had unlocked the last—and the most painful—of my memories of her. Daily I found my mind wandering to her and that kiss. What was she doing? Was she with _him_? Several times I went to pick up the phone to call her, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't know what I would say even if I did call. I had behaved badly, and she had hurt me deeply. The situation was full of raw emotions. Dad and I were sitting in front of the TV watching the game when Charlie came in.

"Hey, Charlie," I greeted him and thought instantly of Bella being alone with the leech.

Charlie smiled and took a seat next to me on the couch. "So who's winning?"

"The Mariners, by two," Dad replied, never taking his eyes off the screen. Charlie shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. He seemed tense about something.

"Everything okay?" I asked, looking at him out of the corner of my eye.

"It's Bella," he mumbled. Instantly I was tense—his tone led me to believe it was bad news. "She's going on vacation with the Cullens. I'm just not that excited by the idea." My body went rigid. She was leaving Forks with the bloodsuckers. Was this their plan? Did they think that by taking her out of town, they could just change her and it would be okay? I sprang from the couch.

"Was _he_ there with her when you left?" My words were angry. I felt the rage building as my fists clenched and unclenched.

"No, he's out hiking with his family today."

"Okay, good." I headed straight for the door, ignoring the questions that both Charlie and Dad were asking. I was determined to have a say in this. She was _not_ going to just throw her life away. I sprinted into the woods and transformed on the fly. My paws beat against the dirt as I raced to Bella's house. Every part of my body was taut with tension, yet there was some excitement, too. This would be the first time I had seen Bella since the day we kissed, and I was determined that it would not be the last.

Running did not ease the tension. Today I ran for a purpose, a purpose that would decide the existence for me and those around me. The voices screamed in my head as my brothers realized what I was doing.

_Jacob, are you crazy! You cannot go over there. _Jared almost never spoke out against me, but he was not impressed with my recent plan.

_Jacob, what if the leeches are there? What are you going to do? _I hadn't thought about that part. It didn't matter—I was still going.

_The last time we saw them, the big bloodsucker told me I could visit as long as I used the front door_, I replied.

I approached Bella's house carefully, just to be certain. I smelled the air, but there was nothing but the earthy scent of the forest.

The voices continued in my head. _Be careful_ was the last thing I heard, and it came from an unlikely source—Sam.

_Everything will be fine. Embry, do not come here, and that goes for the rest of you as well_. With that last thought, I changed back to my human form. I stood at the bottom of the porch steps. My stomach did a flip. I was nervous about seeing her; I was still unsure of what to say. How could I convince her that becoming one of them was a bad choice? I chewed on my lower lip, thinking about what to say, when suddenly the door opened.

Bella inhaled sharply when she saw me. She stood at the top of the steps, eyes wide with surprise. "Ja-Jacob?" She spoke as though I might be a hallucination. The right side of my mouth pulled up in a smirk. But I could tell she was happy to see me.

"For a minute there, you looked like you saw a ghost," I replied lightly. The air was thick with tension. I could feel the energy between us, as well as the pain. Bella stood motionless at the top of the stairs, staring at me.

"Maybe I shouldn't have come," I mumbled, wondering exactly what she was thinking.

"No, don't go," she whispered and moved towards me. She walked down the steps and tripped. I caught her by the waist and held her close to me. I was very aware of how her body tensed at my touch, but letting go was not an option.

"Charlie said you were going away with the leeches." The last word was more of a snarl.

She tried to push away from me, but my arms gripped her to my body. I wasn't going to make this easy for her. It wasn't easy for me, and I had so many questions. "Don't call them that!" She pushed harder against my chest but gave up when she realized I wasn't letting go.

"Well, are you, Bella? Are you going away with them?" I yelled unintentionally, the pain of losing her consuming me already.

Bella looked at me wide–eyed, confirming my suspicions. She turned away quickly as tears ran down her cheeks. I sighed heavily; seeing her cry always made it impossible to stay angry with her.

"Bella, will you please talk to me? Were you really going to just leave without seeing me?" Bella sobbed harder. I picked her up, cradling her in my arms, and sat down on the top step with her draped in my lap. Bella turned her face into my chest, grasped my shirt in her hands, and continued to cry. I rocked her slowly, patiently waiting for her to speak.

"I couldn't find a way to say goodbye to you," she whispered, almost inaudible. "I don't want to say goodbye, but I have to if I become one of them."

"Why do you need to become one of them? You could be with me," I pleaded.

Bella raised her head up to look me in the eyes. "Jake, it wouldn't be fair to you." Anger spread through me. She didn't need to be a leech.

"Bella, I will be very patient with you until you can get through this. I know you don't love me completely, but you could eventually, I know you could."

Again she cried harder. My words seemed to upset her, but I didn't know why. Did she love me at all? I knew of only one way to find out. Slowly my hand reached for her face, gently wiping at the stray tears running down her cheek. I pulled her face towards mine and pressed my lips to hers. Bella unclenched my shirt and moved her hands around my neck. I took that as an invitation to deepen the kiss. My lips played lightly, pulling and kissing hers. Bella pushed my lips apart with her tongue, and my hands began to roam her body. The intensity of the kiss made me forget we were sitting on her porch, but it all came back to me when the sickeningly sweet smell of vampire assaulted my nostrils.


	11. Altercations

A huge Thank you to my two wonderful beta's butterscotch and sillybella.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended

I pushed my lips harder into Bella's and gave her one last squeeze before pulling away. "Bella, you need to go inside." She looked at me, confused, then slowly followed my gaze to see our audience. She inhaled sharply and scrambled to get out of my lap. The leech looked pained. I was always so shocked to realize they could feel anything resembling human emotion.

"Edward." Bella's voice shook and had a note of pleading to it. She moved towards him. I felt a twinge of jealousy from that gesture. It was still important to her to comfort him. He held up a hand to stop her.

"Go inside." His voice was forceful and not a suggestion. She stood there looking between us, unsure of what to do next. I stepped in front of her protectively. I deserved his anger, not Bella.

"Go, Bella," I whispered, hoping she would listen. Bella was too stubborn to allow us to tell her what to do; a look of defiance crossed her face as she moved to stand between us.

"No, I most certainly will not." She crossed her arms and stared back and forth between me and the leech.

"Yes, she is _always_ like this, Jacob Black." I looked at the parasite in disgust, once again unnerved by his ability to read my mind. His eyes were hard, yet there was a sadness to them. His posture was rigid, fists clenched — so unlike that day he returned and Bella left with him instead of me. I stood on the balls of my feet, ready to spring into action if necessary, even though I felt no need to phase. I was in complete control. I didn't feel the anger and pain he did. Bella was an equal distance from both of us. Confusion was clear in her posture. Choose the eternal damned, or a new life full of warmth? She hadn't totally decided her fate or whom she loved more. The bloodsucker looked defeated, and I didn't have to say anything. He could knew his grip on her had lessoned.

"Of course I know," his angry words flowed quickly through the air. "I'm not stupid. I understand she feels for you, _dog_." His venomous tone showed his true nature as he again answered my thoughts.

"Edward," Bella gasped at his cruel statement. It didn't matter — the look on his face was priceless when she chastised him. Anguish. Her words caused him more pain than I ever could.

"Well, I guess now you know exactly how she feels for me, _leech_." He clenched and unclenched his fists, calming the urge to attack me. Bella glared at me, not pleased in my choice of words either. "And besides, there are things I can do for her that you can't," I added, just to see how much he could take. I allowed him to see the kiss for all it was worth. If he wanted to invade my privacy, he would have to take the good with the bad — although little about this was bad for me.

A growl erupted from him as the thoughts ran through my mind. The bloodsucker started to rub his temples as if to erase the images.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Bella whispered, seeing his obvious physical pain. She began to move towards him again. For a second time he held up his hand to keep her away.

"Don't come near me," he snapped, looking up at her with eyes dark as night. Bella flinched as if she'd been slapped. "Go inside. I need to speak with Jacob alone."

"I am not leaving you two out here to kill each other. I caused this; I kissed him…" her last words trailed off in a whisper. Admitting that she had kissed me was a big deal for Bella and me. I moved forward, placing my hand on her shoulder.

"I'll be fine, Bella, just let us talk." I gently tried to move her towards the house. Again she stood still, stubborn as ever.

"Don't touch her," the leech hissed, grimacing at the closeness between Bella and me. I thought of how my hands had freely roamed her body before we were so rudely interrupted.

"Stop it! Just stop it, Jacob Black!" he screamed, all composure lost. He was breathing heavily through his nose, looking enraged.

"Funny, _she_ didn't ask me stop," I replied nonchalantly.

Bella turned on me. "Jacob! Do not make this any worse." No sooner had the words left her mouth than I was knocked to the ground. Edward was on top of me, hands tightening around my neck. Bella gasped at the sight of us fighting for her. He was strong for a leech. I pulled my arm back and threw it forward as fast as I could, knocking the bloodsucker squarely in the jaw and sending him across the lawn.

"Stop, both of you!" I faintly heard Bella say as the leech moved forward again. He jabbed at my abdomen, landing several shots and ducking several of mine. Then I realized he was reading my moves, lifting them straight from my mind. I lunged forward in frustration, missing his body but catching his arm. I pulled him to the ground, and we rolled around jockeying for position. I could feel my lip split open as his elbow smacked me in the mouth. My body started to shake, urging me to change into a wolf. I fought hard not to. Seeing two boys fight over a girl wasn't that suspicious — seeing a giant wolf and bloodsucker fight was something completely different. We continued to fight — both wounded and snarling — ripping at each other's flesh out of rage and jealousy for the special moments we had each shared with Bella. We may have continued like that until one of us destroyed the other, if not for the sudden gunshot that caught our attention.

The leech and I looked up from our position on the ground and saw a very angry Chief Swan standing above us.

"Inside. Now!" He barked the order as if we were his deputies. The parasite and I glared at each other, knowing we had to follow Charlie's order. Once standing, I saw Bella cowering off to the side. She looked terrified, and I instantly regretted my participation in the fight.

"Bells, I am so sorry," I whispered, my heart aching from the pain in her eyes.

"I'm sorry too, Bella." The leech sounded like he meant it. She eyed us both, as disheveled and scratched up as we were. We would both be healed soon enough on the outside, but I wasn't so sure about being healed on the inside. I guess that would be up to Bella.

We followed Charlie to the living room in silence, sitting as far apart as possible. The room felt too small with both of us in there. Charlie stood before us, taking us both in before speaking.

He inhaled sharply as he started his speech. "Boys, fighting like that in front of my daughter is not acceptable. I am not sure what is going on here, but I am willing to bet it has something to do with Bella going on vacation with the Cullens." Vacation — if that's all it was, I wouldn't be so upset. This vacation would take Bella straight to hell, and she'd never return from it. "So I have decided that Bella is not going with the Cullens." Instinctively, I waited for Bella's rebuttal, her many reasons why she had to go. They didn't come. The leech and I both looked at her in surprise. Charlie even seemed to brace himself for the fury that didn't come.

The bloodsucker spoke next. "It is for the best, Charlie. I think Bella needs some time. She needs to think about what she really wants." His stone façade seemed almost cruel; he had closed off all feelings on the matter. For the first time, I was not surprised by the leech's reaction.

I could see Bella out of the corner of my eye, tears silently sliding down her cheeks. She looked wounded, reminding me of the first time she brought me the motorcycles. Bella finally looked up at us, staring at what the situation had become.

She breathed unsteadily, looking back and forth between us. "I think I need to spend time with both of you. I don't know how to choose." My mouth fell. The pit of my stomach lurched at the idea of her being with him. But I couldn't argue. If I did, she would go to him — I was certain of it. I could see the leech's muscles go taut at her suggestion. He liked it even less than I did, but we were both stuck with the situation.

"Ahh…okay then. This seems to have gone better than I had hoped. Boys, you will not fight again, is that clear?" The authority in his voice was almost frightening, and I could see why he was the Chief of Police.

"Yes, sir," we mumbled together.

"Good. Now go home and get those cuts cleaned up." I almost laughed. I was already healing; luckily, Charlie wasn't paying too much attention. I glanced over at Bella. My whole being hurt at the sadness I had brought her. Bella felt me looking at her and lifted her eyes to meet mine.

"I'm sorry," I mouthed, and she nodded and gave me a slight smile. Everything would be okay now — it had to be. I quickly left the house and headed for the woods. I could feel the bloodsucker watching me, but I didn't care. There was a chance Bella would choose me — love _me_ forever, not him. A chance she would stay human, and I was not going to ruin it by fighting again. I knew the others wouldn't be happy with what had happened, but I would find a way to explain. I phased quickly and ran towards the reservation. As dangerous as hope is, I allowed myself to hope that Bella would call soon.


End file.
